人的最高境界,不就是能够做到没有人知道你心里在想什么吗? 那,你觉得你已达到人的最高境界了吗?

当你只能若无其事, 是代表你不再在乎吗?

当你只能若无其事, 是因为事情已’发展’到没人能谅解的地步吗?

当你只能若无其事, 你不再有选择, 就只能逃避现实.

是逃避现实, 还是, 逃避自己呢?

我的世界, 是变得黑暗, 还是, 更多光彩呢? 就要看"光彩"的定义是什么了…

蕙珊 笔

I feel so bad right now, I didn’t ever know that I made such a big mistake for a few months, or probably for an even longer period, but no one tell me.. I didn’t know that my words made people unhappy sometimes, even when I was just joking. Joking? Or maybe people just take my words too seriously or I was so serious when I was joking? Or probably they are not the type of people that I usually hang out with back at home? I’m not trying to say that people here are different, coz this situation even happens on people back in M’sia but not people back at my hometown, of course. I was wondering, ‘is it my fault?’ Probably. Or I should say, I should learn how to communicate with different people in different ways? I guess, it’s time for me to look at myself, look at my words, not to throw any words whenever I like. I shouldn’t just say whatever that comes to mind, I guess. It’s dangerous, coz it might hurt. What I feel right now is, I really want to talk to someone who is a really close friend, whom I can say whatever I like, or probably who really understand my ways of talking. Tonight, the ‘bad feeling’ I have is different from any other bad feeling in my blog ever. It’s about relationship between/among friends. Am I such a failure? I don’t know whether I handle my friendships in a right way so far? I thought I do, but I don’t know. I feel so sorry, to whom I have "made fun of" (kind of, not really ‘make fun’ though, there’s no any other suitable word to be used that I can think of).. Sorry, guys~ Although it’s not a really great Friday night for me, I learn something at least, I realize that, through meeting different types of people/ making friends, you learn how to ‘deal’ with the relationship between/among people around you. I believe, there’s room for improvement, and of course, I would be happy to be a better person throughout my experiences as who I am.

It’s a special day, coz it’s Peiying’s birthday..We decided to give her a surprise at night, since it’s Finals’ week (people are busy preparing for Exams). First, we bought slices of cakes from Haagen Dazs. And then, we went to Barbour and Andrew was the one who knocked at her door. I remembered how surprised she was when she saw Andrew. And she said, "Why are you here? VERY MESSY WO, YOU WANNA COME IN MEH?" Hahah.. All of us could actually hear what she said since we were actually standing at the hallway. Then, we went in and sang her a Birthday song~ And we went to Lounge to have "cake cutting" ceremony. Also, we had another special event for her, "cake eating" ceremony. Of course, this "cake eating" ceremony was a special one. ^_^

As for myself, there was actually an even bigger surprise! I "caught a frog" when I was in front of Barbour. It was such an ashamed fall! That was my first time to fall down in Ann Arbor, and in front of my friends, in front of SiewGhee and Jason!! It was so painful, but since people were all laughing, I just couldn’t let my tears to roll down. That was a really bad time, to "keep" the pain and tears at the same time. But I also felt like laughing at myself when I saw people were laughing, coz we were all walking and in a sudden I felt down. Don’t ask me why did I fall down? I don’t know either. What a shameful experience =( And my knee is now "black n green".

‘Stress’ is the word that appears in my mind right now. I don’t know what should I do now ( doesn’t mean that I’m well-prepared and have nothing to do anymore.). I’ve prepared note cards for Math, I’ve finished my Coursepack for Orgo (but I know, there are a lot more that I need to memorize right before the Exam.)  So, I don’t know what should I start reviewing right now. Should I start memorizing Orgo stuff, or should I start studying my MSE? UNDECIDED~

well, well, well… let it be..

< what comes to mind is what I should do next >

It’s a Sunday evening. Victor called, and told me :" hey, today is a big day." Hmmm, my first response was, "What?! izit your birthday? did i forget your birthday??" (impossible.. since i seldom forget someone’s birthday, especially my friends’, i mean, real friends..) Obviously, I was wrong, he actually meant that Buddhist Association was born in U of Illinois. Of course I congratulated him! He puts effort on whatever he does, and I’m sure, this time, he’s been worked hard on making this a success. He’s someone I look up at. I admire the way he does things, especially the efforts he put on his Buddhist Society since he was in High School. I know, he tried/tries his best in everything he did/does, he never give up although he faced/faces a lot of circumstances along the way.

Vic, best wishes to you!!

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Probably, every individual has his/her own uniqueness that makes you feel comfortable to talk to. This is something that can’t be explained, either you get what I mean or you just don’t get it. When you get to know someone, topics come up by themselves and you talk about everything, about yourself/ your friends/ your family etc. This is what I mean by "comfortable to talk to". Vice versa, there are people whom you know, but you just can’t find anything to share with him/her. And, I don’t think you can do anything to "improve" this kind of situation. I mean, something which can’t be forced. When you try to do something to "save" the relationship/friendship, that’s not the "original" feeling anymore. Well, this is abstract, and this kind of thing happens spontaneously, probably the situation won’t be as bad as what I’ve said earlier. It depends.

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good luck in Finals, MichiganMalaysians!!

finally, i officially met him, in his office.

this time, we started with a very casual talk, and I felt comfortable talking with him.

he talked a lot about himself, and then, we talked about my admission to COE.

i never ever expect that I would feel kinda stress after talking to him. Not that he’s "pushing" me too hard. but… it’s because of me, myself!

40 minutes of conversations with him were so valuable. we didn’t crap, not even a word, coz everything we were talking was so important, to me at least.

well well well, before I met him, and after I met him. - there were  two different me..

and, today as well, i got back my OrgoExam3. Arghh! Worse than what i’ve expected AGAIN, becoz of a graph which I don’t know why i got it wrong! why was she’he(I don’t know which GSi was that..) so particular about something which shouldn’t be an issue? or i should point the finger to myself ? i remembered how we enjoyed preparing for Orgo the night before the exam, with Espresso Royale’s coffee ice, bought by Crystal. we went through almost everything and still, this is the outcome. Now i understand "that kind of feeling"~

also, i received a package, i got my Hard Drive today.. however, i’m not in mood to look at it at all, i unwrapped it and kept it in my drawer, didn’t even touch it.

it’s time for MSE homework now..

How will everything be? it’s a myth~

..feeling bad..bad feeling..

I went to College of Engineering Admission office yesterday.
The primary purpose was to get some brochures or stuff like that, for Discover.US.Education in July back in Malaysia.
Accidentally, I met with the Coordinator of Transfer Admission, Gary.
We greeted each other, since we met before in LSA Concentration Fair last 2 weeks.
He invited  me into his office, and he closed the door.
(I felt so weird, why did he close the door? something is wrong…)

Here’re our conversations:
Gary: Hey, how are you doing?
Shann: Hmm, I’m fine. Thanks. I didn’t receive any email from you. (He said he’ll email me the next day when I met him last time.)
Gary: Oh, really? Did we  meet in Central? I have advising hour there, too.
(I was thinking, Advising?? I was not there for advising..)
Shann: Mmm, I guess you are supposed to see another girl, who is sitting out there.
Gary: Oh, what’s your name?
Shann: I’m Huey Shann, I’m sorry, I’m here to get some brochures. Coz I’m going back to Malaysia this summer and there’ll be a US Edu. Fair in M’sia.
Gary: Oh, it’s alright. I thought you were Anna. Hmm, when are you going back?
Shann: I’ll be back in June.
Gary: Great then, make an appointment and talk to me some other time.
Shann: mm, okay, sure. Thanks.

The lady who’s working at Front Desk, who’s so familiar with me(coz I went there quite a few times), laughed.
I told her what happened, and, she arranged the appointment for me.
Randomly, I have an appointment with him, today at 1pm.
(which is why I’m so "free" to drop a blog here..My class ended at 12.30pm ^-^)

Hmmm, I actually "got" a lot of stuff yesterday, besides the "appointment".
I got an email, saying that I was accepted for UROP (Undergraduate Research Opportunity) for Fall 07.
I don’t know whether or not it will be a great experience, which I hope it would!
And, it’s time to re-arrange my timetable to fit everything in. (my classes, UROP, maybe working in the lab, etc..)
Also, I got my Camera, which surprised me!
I bought it online on Monday, and I got it on Wednesday! Huh~
I like it so much!! =)

And then, I spent the whole night doing my Math Web HW.
I was like… What?? The two problems were really "troublesome"!
Anyway, I’m glad that I got it finally.. Phew! that kind of feeling, released!!
Hahah!!

I guess, it was a wonderful day, which worth remembering! April 4th~

cheers!

–time for appointment!! :p